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Benicio says that 93843794734987 people in the world want to fuck me [entries|friends|calendar]
I am Tom Cruise.

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Wanna know the truth?
[26 Sep 2003|10:23pm]
I am terrible at this and I wonder why I came back.
But all the same here I am at a loss for words wondering what to say that will be of any interest to you.

I am still, unfortunately, in Malta filming. We changed the name of the movie from "Troy" to "The Trojan War". I'm not quite sure I am all for the change but there was a legal issue and it was just cheaper to change it. I did however take the night off Thursday to watch NBC. I don't know why I put myself through that. I haven't spoken to her in months. It's been almost six months since we separated and it has been the loneliest six months of my life and I wish I could take them all back. I can't but at least it's not as hard as it was then.

To the new JenCollapse )
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Wanna know the truth?
[13 Sep 2003|11:43am]
[ mood | refreshed ]

I logged onto this thing this morning just to see what I missed. I was completely thrown off by the layout and though I was in the wrong place. luckily enough I figured out how to change it back and realized everything is alright. It has only been two weeks since I left this place and I couldn’t even stay away. It’s sad I know. But I had to take a while out to clear my head and get out all of the things I needed to.
I don’t know where my Jen is. Running away I am sure. And apparently I missed Britney kissing someone.
A lot happened in two weeks and I don’t know any of it. Is Del toro back or is he just commenting for the hell of it? Basically all this is, is a way to say I’m back. I hope. Also Jennifer Garner what is this that I hear the two year gap on Alias wasn’t a joke and that it is true. Why are you in China I don’t approve change it now.

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Wanna know the truth?
[28 Aug 2003|07:16pm]
Alright I can’t do this anymore. I just don’t have the time or desire anymore and Its just gotten to hard. So I’m not going to make a long good-bye thing out of this. I probably should given that Ive been here a year and these people really do mean a lot. Sad but true.

I need a break.

Before i go i want to say a few thing to a few friends an I will be on my way. This is both IC an OOC so just do with it what you want.

Jennifer Garner - the greatest woman in the world You would probably be one of the two reasons I would ever stick around here. You have been so great to me through every thing and I want to thank you. Good luck in the future.

Britney Spears. - You would be my other reason for sticking around, I should have married you. ha I don't know why we never got around to that

Tom (old if you are reading and New) thanks for being a friend when I needed on and for letting me wear a shirt with your name on it.

Michelle and Keira - you two kick some major ass and I love you as actors you always made me laugh around here and I hate to go.

Maggie ( the one I talked to) you were great and dont let anyone say otherwise.

Aniston thanks for putting up with the shit i put you through thanks for being a good sport. i hope the next brad is good to you and figures this out,

To anyone else i forgot I'm sorry I miss you and I love you and thank you....

DEL TORO incase you are reading this you were the only reason i was around for over a year now that you are gone it almost seems pointless. thank you for everything.

EDIT: Chritina and Britney I am mad that I wont be able to see your madonna kissing icons much anymore. those are hot.

EDIT : OK I have given this a lot of thought and this is just a break. I'll be back. Someday im just trying to figure it all out.
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Wanna know the truth?
[19 Aug 2003|03:28pm]
My wife is with Deb. Having wonderful sex and rubbing it in my face. I’m really not as bitter as I sound. I will be back in town next week. I don’t know what I will do but I will think of something.

Britney Spears is mine. Take that Jared Leto.

Benicio is gone. Saddest thing ever. All I have to say about this is I hope I still get the penis enlargement emails. I don’t know what I would do if they stopped coming.
19 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[13 Aug 2003|04:26pm]
There isn't much more to say about it than that. I'll be here for as long as it takes me to do what they ask. At least until I ask for another week off. It's hard being far from California. I love how laid back it is there. The feeling of home I get as soon as I step of the plane. I do hope to be back there to vote though, and if I can it will be Arnold all the way. I mean he is the reason I am on steroids. To look like him. Some people say he is just an actor and should stay away from politics. Who is to say that actors can't be politicians too? I mean some even think they can be singers and we all know that isn't true.

OOC to anyone who will attempt to be the next Jennifer.Collapse )
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Wanna know the truth?
[10 Aug 2003|10:24pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Jennifer Garner is the greatest hostess in the world, but now she is kicking me out.
For Iowa.
They are forcing me back to Malta. It really isn’t as bad as I make it out to be, it is just so far from everyone else. The cast is great and the people their and so nice and helpful. Except Orlando, he makes it a point to comment on the armor everyday. I will get him back one day. Just you wait. I may have to call Clooney for a little help. He got Damon good on the set of Ocean’s Eleven.
My weekend with Jennifer was great. We ate food and we threw it. I tried hard to get her secrets but she is good. I tried bribery, flirting, blackmail, and I even threatened her. Not that badly, I just threatened to throw pasta at her. I made it and it wasn’t good enough to eat, only good for throwing.
I took Jen to see S.W.A.T. We laughed at everything and even she agrees with me that Michelle Rodriguez is hot. I think I will add that name to all my updates. It just makes them all so much better.

I have an early flight tomorrow so I had better get packing. This sucks but at least you all know what I am up to.

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Wanna know the truth?
[08 Aug 2003|10:35pm]
I am getting a tattoo on my ass.

I am staying with Garner for a few days. I plan on eating all of her food. I may also stalk her until she gives up all of the secrets for Alias and tells me what will happen.
After that it is back to Malta for some more filming. Back to spending days in the hot sun in a metal skirt. With sand. I have a new found hate for sand. It seems to find itself everywhere. Up your ass or in your hair. The only good thing about it is throwing it at my cast mates.
That makes Malta fun. The sand.
It may not make any sense to you but in some weird way it does to me. I am sleep deprived though. It has taken me days to come up with something good to put in here and now it all looks like a ton of bullshit. It's my own weird little randomness that comes to me now in this half awake half asleep state. So I will leave you all with a few last words before I give you all a headache.
I saw S.W.A.T today. Good movie, it's worth the money. The greatest thing of it was Michelle Rodriguez. Women today are mean.
18 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[03 Aug 2003|11:56am]
Almost five days, 5 thousand dollars, and no call. I figured this would happen.
I promised Benicio I would fly out yesterday to see him. I'm a day late but he'll live. I hope. I should be back in Malta soon but until then I am enjoying pants and air-conditioning.
28 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[28 Jul 2003|02:32am]
Today, the 29th, marks three years since this.

I had ordered 100 white Vendella roses to be sent to her place and I snuck in and put millions of red rose petals on her floor so that when she wakes up she will know I didn’t forget. Even though we are separated she should know she is still loved. Even if she doesn’t love me anymore. That is just something I have had to get over. I am for the most part. I just want to move on. Although I want her to know that I will always love her. I left a card and a few things that I know she would love. Maybe this will be the end. Finally some closure. Maybe it is a beginning. It all depends on her.
I don’t think I will get any sleep tonight and I plan on getting to drunk to remember what day it is anyway. My door is open if you think you can help.
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Wanna know the truth?
I am just wondering, and don't let the pictures Benicio has been showing change your opinion. [20 Jul 2003|04:01am]
Benicio says that 93843794734987 people in the world want to fuck me. I don't believe him. So now I am trying to prove that he is a liar. So if you want to fuck me show me who you are. If it adds up to 93843794734987 people then I lose and he is a brilliant as he says.
18 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
Why must they be called friends, because do you really consider me a friend. [20 Jul 2003|12:53am]
Two hundred and eighty people say they read the thoughts written in here and there are only seventy-eight of whom that I would even take a second look at. Then again there maybe a few in that two hundred and two that I would take that second look at, but if so they haven’t said a word to me to get me to notice. To find one name which I may have an interest in out two hundred and two isn’t a easy job to do. And since I barely have the time or patience to keep something interesting in here each week, it is a given that I wouldn’t have time to shovel out that name. I wonder why would someone have someone else’s thoughts appear each day and not even read them. Or if they do read them, why don’t they have some comment to them. To me if you are going to have someone’s thoughts appear on your screen each day and not even have a thing to say about them what is the point of reading it in the first place. I know most of us don’t even read everything that shows up on the screen which brings me to this point, why would you waste your time day in and day out skipping over something that you don’t care about anyway. Waste of a good second in your life, don't you think? Which brings me to my point, I guess. After one year and a month and a half you would think that I wouldn’t have so much to skip over. Although I still do. It’s my fault I know because I have one thousand and ninety-six comments received and nine hundred and seventy posted. Which leaves me to a total of one hundred and twenty-six unreturned comments. I think I should get my ass to start working and stop being such a hypocrite.

The whole thing was just a ramble of thoughts that I had while clearing out my friends list and just an excuse to use the calculator on my computer.
50 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[18 Jul 2003|10:53am]
I have been trying to keep the days from changing. I haven't got much sleep because I am trying to avoid sleeping for days and waking up smack right where I don't want to be. Today is the nineteenth and tomorrow will be the twentieth. Nine days after that will be my three year wedding anniversary. By that time I will not have seen my wife for three months and twenty nine days. She is still my wife. Neither of us has wanted to take the legal actions to change that. She still won't talk to me. Just when I think she will, she changes her mind and disappears again. I'm tired of this why can't I just forget her and leave it be? I guess it's the whole fact of the matter being unresolved. It just ended. I am off filming Troy in Malta. I was supposed to get back seven days ago. It doesn't look like I'll be home anytime soon. Jen has started moving her things out of our house and back into hers. I don't think it is right that I get the house and she doesn't, but then again she never really liked how big it was anyway. I left Renee there. I didn't want to go but I had no choice. She said she would stay a while and watch my dogs. She is such a wonderful woman.
Here I am in the middle of a big steroid controversy. Apparently men in Hollywood can't bulk up on there own without using steroids. What the fuck would be the point of that. It would just be one more thing I cheated on.
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Wanna know the truth?
[12 Jul 2003|10:13pm]
They are selling toys of "me" at Burger King. I have been waiting for this day ever since I bought George Clooney's Batman action figure.
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Wanna know the truth?
[05 Jul 2003|12:10am]
Yesterday was Tom's, oh I mean Brad's, Birthday. (Is it just me or is that getting confusing?). Like a good friend I took him to a strip club, but we left before we did or saw anything that Pen wouldn't approve of. I don't want to piss her off anymore. Then we went next door to a great sports bar. After the week in the Hummer we are both long haired bearded men who drink. Last week we even bought trucker hats to add to the look. So we walk in the bar, and the great thing about sports bars like that no one really gives a shit who you are. All they want is to get drunk and take your money. We played pool and darts. In darts I aimed at Tom's ass almost the whole night. Blue was there because what is a birthday celebration without Blue. I think we are starting a Help the Homeless program. I'm serious you never know how much fun those guys are when you give them a nick name and as much money as they want. After we finished there I took him home with enough time for Pen to give him a little birthday party of her own.
Happy 41 you old fart.

Tonight I made steak, burgers, and just about anything I was in the mood for. We had beer and lit things on fire. I even had a guy come down and put on a fire works show. I spend to much on that shit, but it's fun to watch. I even got my wall painted. Finger painted and ass painted. It's lovely to look at. I think I am going to take a lawn chair, a beer, and a flashlight and just sit there and stare at it.

Tomorrow I am going to have a day for Renee and one of these nights I want to have an alcohol free night. Although I don't know what to do then. Maybe listen to old songs and try to find the key changes. You can't do that under the influence because you lose interest in a song after a minute. Hell I don't know what I will do. I'll make it up when I get there.
9 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[03 Jul 2003|12:12am]
I miss riding in my hummer with Blue and Tom. But after Jen left we realized we were starting to smell and that we needed to get out. But not before we laughed our asses off at the fact that Hummer is what Aussies call a blow job. Blue is the best as making up innuendos. I'm going to miss that old homeless man.

I haven't wanted to write anything meaningful lately. I just want to sleep. Fourth of July tomorrow. I plan on lighting as much as possible on fire. So if you get lonely and destructive come on over. I have a bunch of paint, wood, and beer. I just hope I don't burn the house down.

Has anyone else realized the attack of new people. I hate new people. You notice most of them don't last a fucking month. I lasted a fucking year. Lets see them do that. I especially love the icons that come with new people. Stretched funny, blinky, glowy even. Along with the bad pictures. I could laugh at them for hours but the whole hummer thing is still lingering in my brain.

I must go change all my icon names to please Pen. Oh fuck, I'll do it tomorrow.
30 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[26 Jun 2003|10:00am]
Hey look at this I lasted one year.
Sentimental shit.Collapse )

We were driving drunk. We aren't anymore. That's not responsible. Hang on a sec while we hold back the laughter.
We basically sit in the back seat on the lap top. We have a driver now. His name is Ernie. We just call him Blue. We all know you have seen Old School and know what we are talking about. I think we can pack more people in here.
It's fun to see people stare at the Hummer. They drive by pointing and they say "oh look at the Hummer". I love tinted windows. So that's it for hummer news. Maggie I promise to shave before Saturday.
21 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[25 Jun 2003|11:30pm]
So for the time being I won't be found at home. Tom and I have moved into the Hummer. We drive around like crazy men. Watch out it's black and we don't know where we are going.

On top of that Ed is throwing a party this Saturday. I expect to see you there. It's great to be talking to this man again it's been to long. He is going through almost the same shit with Salma so it's fun to talk to him about all the shit. You know someone who will see it and understand it from a guys point of view. We are going to attack L.A this weekend so this is my warning.

This has no real substance I just want to warn everyone.

Tomorrow will mark a whole year that I have been here. Happy Birthday to me.
15 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[25 Jun 2003|12:01am]
I've left two messages. In both I never said anything. Just a long pause and a hang up. One of these tries I will say something. Not right now. I just like listening to the machine. "Hey this is Jen, Leave a message and I'll get back to you." I don't know why I love hearing that. Maybe she is happy now. I don't know. So now we are back to the no talking. I fucking hate this. I brought it on myself. I fucking hate that more.

Tom is taking me to a bar tonight. I want to get drunk. So drunk that I can't walk. So that I wake up sick to my stomach with a headache so bad that I can't think of anything else. Head over the toilet and everything. It's couldn't possibly be worse than karma. Feel free to join us. If I act like an ass forgive me.

I want this to fucking end. However it does I just don't want to feel anymore. I want to be with her or I want to be without her. I will do anything for her, but I think I missed my chance. I just really don't want to fucking feel anymore. Life would be easier with out feelings.
22 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
What goes around comes around, bites you on the ass, slaps you in the face, and laughs in your ears. [22 Jun 2003|04:07am]
What the hell is so fucking unbelievable about me being Tom Cruise. I mean you must have all known it all along. Come on assholes are you really that fucking stupid. I don’t see why people are making such a fuss over the whole fucked up situation anyway. Tom and I are messed up and like to confuse the hell out of each other. We have all slept with each others whatever you name it. I can’t even tell myself from him.

I just want to say this once and I hope the message gets across. I don’t care who the fuck you are, you mess with a friend of mine you mess with me. It’s as simple as that. Where I come from we don’t fucking call women bitter bitches, I don’t fucking care if they deserve it. We show them respect and if you can’t fucking handle that I will fucking rip off your balls and the boys and I will play golf, base ball, or whatever the fuck we want with them.

I have also been told that I should stop listening to my dick and trying to find greener pastures. That I should listen to my goddamned heart and give her a call. Ask her to dinner. Well I fucking did that and she agreed. I went to the restaurant I had a dozen red roses and a white satin rose in the middle. It even had a card that said I will love you till the last rose dies. I had finally fucking decided that I wanted her back that I could make it work. I realized she was the only woman for me and I was so happy that she would at least talk to me. Not give me another chance, I wasn’t an idiot to believe she could forgive that easily. I had no doubt in my mind. I was ready to pick up where we left off.
She didn’t even fucking show up.
I called her mom. I knew I would get a lot of shit from her. I had to listen to an hour of shit about how I was never good enough for her daughter and she knew all along. That I was the scum of the earth and didn't deserve and second chance. I finally got fed up and yelled “Don’t you think I fucking know that? But I at least want to end this the right way if that is what it is fucking coming to.” I’m not one to curse and scream at a woman. I must admit I wasn’t completely thinking on a sober mind. At the restaurant I had ordered wine and candles and everything. When she didn’t show I drank the wine and burned the flowers. Her mother simply said “that is why she met you tonight.”
Once I told her that she never showed. I waited three hours. It was no mistake, she simply didn’t want to talk. I checked with her mother what time Jen had told her we were meeting. I even checked the restaurant, town, state, and country. It was all the same. She simply didn’t come.
Once I came to this I began thinking something was wrong. That she was in trouble. For some fucked up reason I thought she wanted me back and couldn’t have missed this night. I told her mom and she hung up to call the number to where Jen was staying. About a half an hour she called back telling me that Jen had ran into an old friend named Dan. That she lost track of time and just forgot.

I guess I’m fucking getting what I deserve. She is going to divorce me. This will never work out. I am prepared to move that sun and the moon to prove that I love her more than anything, that I can’t live without her. She is off with another man. It’s fucking Karma coming to kick me in the balls and take away that best thing in my life. The fucking sad thing is that I deserve it. Boy, do I deserve it.

Edit: earlier I had Satan written, it was supposed to be satin I hate my spell checker.
39 comments|comment on this

Wanna know the truth?
[18 Jun 2003|12:34am]
I did it. I called her. She answered and before I said a word she knew it was me. after a minute or so and a sigh of relief that she hadn't hung up I said hello. Such a small word and yet the hardest thing to say. All the things I wanted to say I couldn't say on the phone. I wanted her to hear me. I wanted her to see in my eyes how I felt. Not just what I had to say. So I asked her to dinner. After what was an hour in my mind she sighed and agreed. Maybe we can work something out. Something we both agree with completely. No more regrets. Not that I have many anyway. I may sound like an ass in saying that. I don't fucking care.

I'll be in LA Friday. I promised Maggie I'd visit and she and some girl have to paint my ass again the paint is running out. Then Renee is going to come visit me. We are eating popcorn and singing.

Then it is off to London to film more of Troy. It's fun to walk around dressed like a tin can.

One question, do you think I could be married to Jen, Britney, Jen, Renee, Maggie, and Pen. While having Benicio, Tom, and Ed on the side for fun? Or is that illegal? Anyone else want to marry me. I'm going for a record.

Edit: I am also marrying Sandra and Julia whether she likes it or not.
Edit #2: Hello to Indiana Jones.
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